Category Archives: Film

Always Record

My Kevin is the Prince Of Knines,

You watch too much of my boi you might get hurt.

 

 

 

 

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Everyone’s got to be wrong sometime.

Jan Švankmajer

just might be “cry’n and wonder’n”.  because people be learn’n.’  because the first two videos aren’t his.

As someone’s child, I rarely enjoyed cartoons because under-worked backgrounds repeated to create a sense of movement, that lazy-asss  pattern frustrated me….and anyways, women’s aerobics was much more intriguing to watch.  Watch, enjoy work.

Downhill from here.

I can never take myself seriously.

What pattern?

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Class of 96’…Eyebrows do the talking

“Hasn’t taken a shower since Curt Cobain died.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh wait, what were the Butthole Surfers releasing in 1996?

 

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Louie Bluie

You’re sure to enjoy yourself watching this documentary about musician/artist Howard Armstrong.  I made it as easy for you as possible, so…enjoy yourself.

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louiebluie

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I’m not going to suggest shit.

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Let this film kick your ass

 

Hey, they bust out with a flash mob accordion crew covering R.L. Burnside!

 

P.S.    Sorry David Cronnenberg, for a another film in which a man rides in a limousine most of the film, Holy Motors  is top-of-the-book-shelf shit.

 

 

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Expansion & Compression

 

Example 1:

Educationally, this is the best example for the novice that just spent too much money on an 18-200 Quantary lens.  The image below accurately represents the effect of expansion and compression.  There!

Lenses can be \frac{1}{f} = (n-1) \left[ \frac{1}{R_1} - \frac{1}{R_2} + \frac{(n-1)d}{n R_1 R_2} \right], CRAY

 

Example 2:

Of course things…anatomical.  I’m not here to educate completely everyone.

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Massoud Hossaini is a douche

 

Here is the Pulitzer Prize winning photograph for 2012.  Covered in blood amid a tangled heap of dead mothers and children, 12-year-old Tarana Akbari punctuates the chaotic aftermath of a suicide attack with a scream for help.  The moment was captured by Massoud Hossaini, who himself was wounded in the attack.

‘Women were asking me, “Help, help, help,”‘ Mr. Hossaini said. ‘I couldn’t. I was recording and I was taking pictures.’   Hossaini continued to take photos, working one-handed.

After some time, he had his driver take him back to his hotel, as he could no longer bare to shoot photos of the event.  Continuing to work one-handed. Hossaini uploaded the photos to the press wire and very shortly after, he received word that his photo had been picked up by a number of publications across the world.

I could go on and on about this guy, but I won’t.

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NOLLYWOOD and Pieter Hugo

I began writing about the Corman-esque film scene from Nigeria known as Nollywood and the tableaux of the clearly surreal metaphors rooted in  symbolic imagery, and then emblematically decided to delete it all.

Because the topic reminded me of a board game not everyone wanted to play,  you know,  Candy Land might be too callow or Monopoly too stagnant, so I chose a few Nollywood scenarios and characters to get everyone active in some mental role-playing.

PLAYER1: PhantomThe Powers

PLAYER 2: Crystal’s Light

PLAYER3: Harold

PLAYER4: Yves Saint Laurent

PLAYER5: Naked Man

PLAYER6: The Booty Crew

PLAYER7: Brian Austin Green

Are you left wondering whether your perceptions of the real world are indeed real?

The photos were taken by  Pieter Hugo

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Paella

Last night all I could think about was paella…

…well I didn’t encounter anything  like that in a box with a flavour packet, so I began watching a surrealist film about the Spanish Civil War.

Here is a small yet sharp taste of the motion picture.  NSFW

I strongly recommend Fernando Arrabal’s  Viva Le Muerte for its desolate, cerebral beauty and (not and or because, but reason enough) Arrabal’s association with Alejandro Jodor0wsky and the *Panic Movementof the 1960s.  I provided the links for everyone to read as to avoid copyright infringement on my behalf…and I’m lazy.

After watching Viva Le Muerte I began to think about how a country’s national dish may be represented by the films they export.  After a couple minutes of investigation and three movies later….

-Germany 1998-

NSFW (this one WILL get you fired)

-United States of America 1975-

NSFW

This will get you started…

-New Zealand 2010-

NSFW

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Nostalgia

From Kodak’s first duo-color Kodachrome film tests in 1922 to the VHS-C magnetic videotape recorders of the mid 90s used in Bob Log III’s video for “Boob Scotch”.  Advances in the realm of image recording have made both subtle and drastic changes in subject, context and discourse.  However, pigments and undertones still maintain supple, rich and licentiousness emotions.  Wavelengths and gradients of light like an opiate high dilate dust, saturate and bloom which flows, imitating eastern winds and exploding like corpuscles.   Opalescent wisps curl and kink contrasting wormed fruit in a landscape of darkness.

Both examples display immeasurable grace, class and beauty as only I may compare and contrast. It’s like people gluing macaroni on to a paper plate and painting it gold.

Fuck that superfluous shit, this is simply four minutes of pretty and historically significant footage and then some tittays,  liquor and rock-n-roll.

The Boob Scotch video is significantly smaller because it’s not safe to watch at work…. I thought if it was smaller it might be hidden by your big head from the peepers you work with.